Reading is Fundamental

When I first started this blog, I said up front that this was not one of those sites.

This isn’t a site where a naughty vixen tells you about all her dirty phone sex calls, about her hot daddies who treat her oh, so good, and how moist she ends up just hearing his name.

Moist is the grossest word in the English language, it should be noted.

But for people looking for that kind of site, there are tons. And while some are just this side of the old Geocities websites, you will occasionally get someone who is a real wordsmith, who keeps you on your toes and maybe mildly titillated, if that’s your thing. Someone you believe.

I prefer the blogs that pull the veil away, but that’s just me.

Today while reading through a blog, I came across this article, and there was no way I could go without sharing it with anyone who might choose to read my blog.

What's the Deal with Phone Sex? by Gracie Passette. Hosted on a strumpet blog that touts itself as “Home of playful, modern pin-up women” (what’s not to love?), this is a brilliantly written article about the men who call into phone sex lines.

Three phone clients were interviewed for the article (curious if they got paid for the interview…what a hilarious turn about that would be), and their answers are plainly honest, and at times hilarious, but extremely interesting and insightful.

It should be noted that this website is intensely NSFW/NSFC. The ads on the right hand side alone could keep the NSA goggling for hours.

My favorite quote, that I think I’ll remember for quite some time:

I can’t really be a demon and take several women at a time — or find a demon with a dick and a tail to fuck me with. Pretending with multiple dildos and partners just couldn’t be as powerful as what we make-up on the phone.

This is something a strumpet needs to hear. Because we get those calls. The ones that will never be discussed on this blog, or in real life. And sometimes, we need to hear how the guys would never do or want what they ask for on the phones in real life, but in the fantasy world, they can be as nasty as they want to be.

Also, fucking a guy in the ass with my demon tail?

I’d really like to try that call.

The Unicorn List

I’m starting to sound a bit like a broken record when it comes to talking about the Strumpet life.

Everything is very much the same, day in and day out. There’s few surprises anymore. And considering the kind of freaks who call the lines, that’s not really a positive thing. But at this point, almost four years into the game, it’s not shocking anymore.

I had a gentleman who wanted middle aged and dumb yesterday. This gave me pause, needless to say. I’ve had many a client tell me how fucking classy I am because I use big words with them (I assume that’s anything other than, “Oooh baby yeah big daddy”), but never any complaint that I’m just too damn intellectual.

Of course, then the gent got on the phone, and I completely understood why he would need someone with the IQ of a fifth grader. And he got mad at me for not talking enough. Sorry, dear, having to limit my vocabulary tends to limit my tongue.

There is a very short list of clients I would like to have some day. It varies, of course. One of them being, where are the men who want to feed their whores? I know this exists. But dammit. Every time I sit down with my breakfast/lunch/dinner, the phone rings, and by the time I’m done, the food is cold. Where are the clients who want to hear me eat? I will chow down on bacon just for you, baby. It’s all for you.

Hell, I miss the extremely old and confused client who loved to hear me smoke cigarettes. If I’ve gone too long without a call, I know all I have to do is step outside, light a cigarette, and away we go!

Also, I want a furry. I want a furry very much. Ever since that episode of CSI where furries were featured, I’ve been fascinated by this culture. It seems…odd, truth be told, to dress up in heavy costume to get your rocks off, but it’s something I have no understanding of. So while I now have a comprehensive understanding of men who want to fornicate with their maternal figures, I still can’t figure out why someone wants to get off with a giant squirrel.

Today, one of my items got bumped off the list. And I reacted like my dispatcher had just told me Collin Farrell was on the other line.

“I have a call for Bunny. It’s a woman.”

I’ve had women on my line twice, but never as the caller. One was a man who wanted me to tell him what to do with his girlfriend. I questioned heavily whether the female voice in the background was actually a girlfriend, or a porn movie. She didn’t really speak, only some moaning, which didn’t…really fit with where we were in our conversation. But maybe he was just doing a really good job.

The other was completely weird. It was very early in my Strumpeting, before I’d garnered enough experience to realize I should roll with this and see just how badly it could turn out. A client was on the phone when his alleged daughter-in-law came to the house. He started talking about what he wanted to do with her, and asked my permission to do so.

She didn’t sound unwilling, more eye-rolling than anything, as though this happens all the time, and she’s used to it. I don’t recall where the gentleman lives, but I suspect backwoods bumpkin action was in play. I was gobsmacked, and didn’t quite know where to take the call. It was a decent call, but I could’ve stretched it out more if I’d played along.

Today, I got my first, bona fide female client. And I squealed like a woman. My dispatcher was certain she had broken me, because I couldn’t stop giggling (yes, giggling) with glee.

I’ve wondered since the beginning if we got female clients. I’ve been told we do, but I’d never had one, so I assumed they didn’t want the mature sounding voice. (No mommy fucking daughters?) This one wanted late 20’s, early 30’s, which I can easily handle (just a little more upturn to the tone, since I actually am early 30’s). She also bought a small time frame, so I was disappointed I wasn’t going to get to really appreciate my lone female client.

She was adorable. Wanted to play with a woman, never had. She asked for a talker, but she did most of the work, I just went along for the ride. It was very quick, but brand spankin’ new. And I was left absolutely thrilled to finally knock off one of my Unicorn Clients.


BRING ON THE FURRIES.

Different Strokes

For all my blasé talk about playing games and pinning recipes while strumpeting, this is not an easy job.

Depending on how closely you’ve read the blog, this may sound amusing to you. Moaning and groaning and saying dirty words? Yeah, what’s curing cancer in comparison to that tough gig?

I acknowledge that mimicking gagging sounds is not rocket science. And sure, moaning and groaning and whispering, “Oh, god, you’re too big” could get the job done just fine, and I could collect my paycheck and keep my whining to myself.

But to be a good phone strumpet, to keep the boys rolling in and the dispatchers in your good graces, you have to have a bit extra. For one thing, you can’t exit the gate at full speed. If he grabs the rabbit too soon, you haven’t gotten your money’s worth.

Or, more accurately, you haven’t gotten your money. We’re paid by the minute, remember?

There’s a certain amount of finesse, too. Just because he calls you a cheap, dirty cocksucker doesn’t mean you have to be easy. I like to play with my food. Get the name, get the description. How else will you know he’s a 6”2 bodybuilder with a monster cock and rock hard abs?

Example of a client in need of finessing:

Strumpet: ”Hello.”
Client: ”Hey, baby. How YOU doin’?”
”Mmm, I’m doing amazing tonight. Who am I talking to?”
”Enh, that’s not important. How big are your tits?”
”Ha ha ha, mmm. They’re 36Cs. So, what do you look like?”
”Enh, average. How’s your pussy looking?”

I really hate these guys. Suck me, fuck me, get me off, and 60 seconds in, click.

Fuck you and your mother, if I had the ability to charge your credit card for a 40 minute call, I would just on principle.

Three years into this gig, and I’m still not an expert at it. Sometimes it’s easier than others. Once, when the client pushed past the details, I paused for about two seconds, and said, “Sooooo, you’re not going to tell me what you look like?”

Enter the Strumpet, shaming her clients into slowing down. Whatever gets the job done.

The point being, there’s a rhythm to strumpeting, and every Strumpet is different. There is no script. We may have our techniques down, but what works for John Mart will never work for John Singer. At least, I hope not. John Mart is no walk in the park.

This entry is about having my rhythm thrown off completely.