Strumpet Word Association

Given the subject matter of the previous blog entry, it’s only fair that I make this one rather quickly.

It’s a very disturbing thought to realize that the…different… kinds of people you hear about in this blog are actual real life human beings. Walking their dogs, buying their groceries, asking for your phone number.

You think you’ve met a perfectly decent guy. He’s attractive, witty, clever. Knows how to pick out the good apples in the produce section. You would never think to ask, “Hey, by any chance, have you ever fucked a sheep?”

What’s a person to do, in this day and age? You can find out so much about a person with one quick google search. Former girlfriends, criminal background, that weekend in Cabo they swore never to talk about again (It’s not gay if it’s in a threeway!).

But no one updates their status with, “Man, my grandma is looking so hot in that tankini. Mm hmm. Work it.”

So, I’ve come up with a not in the least sure fire way to gauge the level o’ pervert of your significant other, or potential significant other. We’ve all got a little freak in us, that’s what makes us special. But some people push it just a wee bit over the line.

Now, a few rules before we get started. One, this list is not solely for men. Women are huge perverts. Sometimes, women are more open about their proclivities than men are. I’ve sat in a room full of women who were discussing sexual escapades, vibrator size, excellent porn plots. Women can certainly out raunch the boys, don’t disregard that ever.

I have never gotten a solo female caller in my entire strumpet career. I had a couple on my line once. They sounded all of 21, and giggled the entire time. They do not qualify for this test.

Some of these words are seemingly perfectly innocent. Maybe they are. Maybe I’ve included them solely as filler, or just to fuck with your head. Maybe they’re not. The important thing is to gauge your partner’s response. Something that seems innocent to you may garner a surprising reaction. Pay attention.

If you are going to give this quiz to your significant other, you should be prepared to take it yourself. What’s good for the goose, and all that.

Now, seeing as how the number one rule of Word Association is, “First thing that comes to mind,” taking this quiz while reading it to someone else is a bit of a disadvantage to the other party. While they’re giving their word, you have time to think. Their answers may influence your own, changing the point of the exercise entirely.

Being the thoughtful, generous strumpet that I am, I am providing you with means to avoid this. Below the cut, you will find both the list of words, and a video of myself reading the words aloud, followed by a pause for both of you to provide your answers.

Please note: You must respond with the first thing that comes to mind. If the person hesitates before answering? It is not their first answer. Warning, warning.

The Strumpet Talks: Dating Websites

So, let’s talk dating websites.

Random subject for a phone strumpet, I do realize. But when it comes to meeting a man you’ve only spoken to via technology, who better to tell you what kind of person you’re dealing with than someone who communicates regularly with the freaks of the world via technology?

Some months back, a Strumpet friend of mine asked for some assistance in verbally bitch slapping someone on a forum she belonged to. Verbal bitch slapping is one of my main hobbies, so I went to the website, which turned out to be an online dating website. Frustratingly, I couldn’t see the full forum conversation without being a member. I threw together an account, texted her some basic responses, and forgot about the website.

However, from then on, I continuously received e-mails about “New singles in your area!” It was annoying, but because they were coming through to a waste e-mail account, they were easily ignored. But one evening, chained to my computer and having pinned and tumblr’d everything there was, I went snooping through the dating website.

The horror. The horror.

If you want to get a good read on the kinds of men who call a phone sex line, go take a look at a free dating website. And as much as I wanted to share the horrors with friends, I didn’t want to own up to belonging to a dating website.

I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with joining a dating website. I have heard of people finding love on many sites, such as E-Harmony, Match.com, and even Plenty of Fish.

I’ve never heard of anyone finding love on Adult Friend Finder, however. And after viewing this website (which links to AFF, so I should’ve known what I would get), it’s only one step up.

Doing this job can do interesting things to your libido. In other words, it goes completely away. I speak only from my experience, but in general I don’t expect to want to see a penis for at least six more months. This makes being on a dating website even funnier.

I fleshed out my profile, first with a picture of just my hair. The website didn’t care for this, and demanded a face picture. Okay.

The number of compliments I get on my beautiful eyes keeps me amused for days.

Under the cut, I will share with you some of the more interesting things I’ve seen via the site, along with their client type. A little heads up before you move on: This is a rather long entry, full of quotes. I want everyone to understand that as truly hi-larious as it is to hear about the gents I speak to on these calls, they exist in real life.